one might say we're banned from that church
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
