this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
