You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
