6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
