I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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