"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
