i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
