And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
