Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
