what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
