She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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