dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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