I need help removing her.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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