The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
