do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
