Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
