I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
