If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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