No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
