She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
