see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
