God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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