Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
