I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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