and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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