Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
