And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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