i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
