Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Randomize
