Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
