Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
