just come out here and I will go home with you...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
is wine microwaveable?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
