sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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