I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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