God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
