Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
