Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
