The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
