This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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