I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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