dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
