I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
