your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
