Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
