Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
