If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
