I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
