Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
