Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
