Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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