I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
