Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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