What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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